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Writer's pictureJennifer Cantor, PhD

Looking Inward: Moving Beyond Quick Judgments of Others




How often do we encounter someone's behavior that bothers or frustrates us, and immediately jump to conclusions about their character? "She's so self-centered," we might think, or "He's just lazy." This tendency to explain others' actions through the lens of their personality, while overlooking potential circumstances or struggles they might be facing, is known as the fundamental attribution error.


As a psychoanalyst, I frequently observe how this bias operates in daily life. A patient might describe a coworker as "inconsiderate" for missing a deadline, without considering that this person might be dealing with an ill family member or experiencing depression. Another might label someone as "attention-seeking" for sharing personal struggles on social media, without reflecting on their possible need for connection and support during a difficult time.


What makes this bias particularly fascinating is how it contrasts with the way we understand our own behaviors. When we're late to a meeting, we're acutely aware of the traffic jam that delayed us, the emergency that demanded our attention, or the anxiety that made us hesitate before leaving home. We give ourselves the benefit of context – yet often deny others the same courtesy.


But here's where things get interesting: when we pause to consider what might be happening beneath the surface of others' actions, we're often forced to confront something within ourselves. If we can't simply dismiss someone as "needy" or "difficult," we might have to examine our own reactions more closely. Why does their behavior trigger such strong feelings in us? What wishes or fears of our own might we be projecting onto them?


This kind of reflection can be uncomfortable, as it requires us to sit with uncertainty and acknowledge the complexity of human behavior – including our own. Yet it's through this process that we develop greater empathy, not just for others but for ourselves as well. When we recognize that everyone's actions arise from a complex interplay of circumstances, emotions, and unconscious dynamics, we become more compassionate observers of the human experience.





The next time you find yourself making a quick judgment about someone's character, try pausing to ask: What might be going on for this person that I can't see? What feelings is their behavior bringing up in me? You might be surprised by what you discover – about them, and about yourself.


After all, the path to understanding others often leads us right back to our own inner world, where the real work of growth and self-discovery takes place.

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